Lately I've been feeling like this here blog has been more of what I think others would like and less of me. I thought changing the blogs design around to something that would better fit my personality would help but I'm still feeling like its not ME. And I believe it is because of the content. I don't feel like I'm honestly staying true to myself and the things that I am passionate about. I often look at some of my favorite blogs and see the things that work for the them and think about how I can add that into my site. I don't mimic their posts but I keep in mind those things when I write my own. But that isn't me.
I often hold back from writing about issues that are bothering me so I won't seem like a Debbie Downer in a seemingly happy blog world. I don't discuss my faith in fear that I will offend someone who may be visiting. And I hold back curse words because I am afraid of coming across as too rough.
But that isn't me.
My faith has become a major part of my life and I have no clue where I would be without it. I am a free spirit and a complete hopeless romantic. I am silly and will cry laughing at damn near anything. I curse like a sailor and I am fully aware that I am not perfect...nor do I desire to be. I often get lost in the world I tend to call my feelings and turn into a complete mess. Some days I get up and I am so confused about what I'm doing with my life and on my good days I wan't to inspire whoever crosses my path. And often, I simply don't have shit to say.
That is me.
I need to get back to me. Back to when "numbers" didn't matter. Back to the girl who could spend hours pouring out her heart and soul onto the pages of her journal. The girl who wrote instead of crying and wrote because she wasn't sure if anyone else would understand her joys. The girl who could turn on music and just write out random words about how the music made her feel. I found peace in that.
That is the girl that I wan't to shine through this blog. I wan't to share my journey as I get my shit together...hell even if no one reads it or even understands where I am coming from. I wan't to be able to freely talk about my new nail color or whatever song that is stuck in my head at the moment without worrying if I'm being "too random". I wan't to inspire. I wan't someone to feel like they can get up and go for it because of my words.
I wan't to get back to ME...genuinely.
So with that being said I'm taking the rest of this week to write. Old school style, straight pen and paper. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and don't forget to check out the Eclectic Star Black Friday sale.