Before I head to Durham to be with the loves of my life I figured I'd share something that has been bothering me for a few days now. I think everyone is going to hurt me. Dramatic yes, but it works for me. No not in the physical paranoid sense, although I'm sure it is some sort of mild case of paranoia but I'm always afraid that if I get too close to someone or open up too much that it will all back fire on me. I believe that every woman should be some what guarded and pay attention to any "red flags" but not to the point where she can't even learn to accept happiness when it is handed to her. I've always been open to something new and have always said that I wouldn't let past screwed up situations affect that. But I think that's exactly what I have been doing. Its like I subconsciously will not allow anyone to show any signs of interest in me without shooting it down or laughing it off. Why can't I just let someone be nice to me? Maybe because I'm really mean as hell or maybe I'm secretly scared shit-less that it will end up just like my past situations. I'll go with the latter. Whatever the case may be, I know that I am over it. No I don't have some sort of "men ain't shit" way of thinking because I know for a fact there are a lot of really great men out there and I'm not some wounded bag lady who will end up lonely with a bunch of cats. I love love and all of the mushy mess that comes with it, I'm just really guarded. BUT one thing I have learned is that you never know what could end up being great if you never put yourself out there. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. So here I am admitting it and working on changing my way of thinking.
Have you noticed the changes around here? You likey? I haven't been fully satisfied with the design of this site since I stared but that's a whole different confession.